No expectation, no pain

Normally, when people are kidding regarding the word "Expectation", they will say that "If you don't want to be hopeless, do not have any expectation over something". This phrase keeps coming to Karmen's head.

 

Karmen used to be a positive girl but now she turns to believe in the meaning of the joking phrase. Her personal experience proves the sentence to be geniously true. Whenever she has an expectation over that person, tear will unconsciously drops.

 

Today, the rain keeps falling heavily outside her working room in Kompong Speu Province. The sound of the rain is so strong that she can not concentrate on her work. At that moment, she really wishes to tell someone about her stressful feeling and get some care from that person, but she can't. Thousands of idea is running wild in her mind that the one she would like to tell will ignore her and say that "I am very busy and have no time to care about your business". She knows that it is very cruel to predict someone's answer. However, she used to get that answer not only one time. She knows clearly that she should not mess up with him and should leave quietly from his life but she can't. She always have a tiny expectation that one day he will realize how kind she used to treat him. It reminds her the time she craved for something to help him when she is deadly busy, the time she tried to comfort him when he is down and the full support she has given to him.

 

It sounds weird when we said that we don't expect the return from the person we care and love but actually our heart does. A little care from the person has become a miracle for her. it can make her day  become beautiful and energize her life.

 

Is that person she loves a bad guy? The answer is "No". She used to see him caring and helping Sota, her friend. She can feel that the care is from the bottom of his heart and this is what Karmen has a strong desire for from him but can not get it. She keeps asking herself "Am I significant in his mind?'' and "what should I do to win his attention and care?"; "Why can't I be treated the same way as her? " or because "I have not been good enough to get your care or love? ". Could anyone tell me?  All those ideas have nearly driven her mad.