No expectation, no pain

Normally, when people are kidding regarding the word "Expectation", they will say that "If you don't want to be hopeless, do not have any expectation over something". This phrase keeps coming to Karmen's head.

 

Karmen used to be a positive girl but now she turns to believe in the meaning of the joking phrase. Her personal experience proves the sentence to be geniously true. Whenever she has an expectation over that person, tear will unconsciously drops.

 

Today, the rain keeps falling heavily outside her working room in Kompong Speu Province. The sound of the rain is so strong that she can not concentrate on her work. At that moment, she really wishes to tell someone about her stressful feeling and get some care from that person, but she can't. Thousands of idea is running wild in her mind that the one she would like to tell will ignore her and say that "I am very busy and have no time to care about your business". She knows that it is very cruel to predict someone's answer. However, she used to get that answer not only one time. She knows clearly that she should not mess up with him and should leave quietly from his life but she can't. She always have a tiny expectation that one day he will realize how kind she used to treat him. It reminds her the time she craved for something to help him when she is deadly busy, the time she tried to comfort him when he is down and the full support she has given to him.

 

It sounds weird when we said that we don't expect the return from the person we care and love but actually our heart does. A little care from the person has become a miracle for her. it can make her day  become beautiful and energize her life.

 

Is that person she loves a bad guy? The answer is "No". She used to see him caring and helping Sota, her friend. She can feel that the care is from the bottom of his heart and this is what Karmen has a strong desire for from him but can not get it. She keeps asking herself "Am I significant in his mind?'' and "what should I do to win his attention and care?"; "Why can't I be treated the same way as her? " or because "I have not been good enough to get your care or love? ". Could anyone tell me?  All those ideas have nearly driven her mad.

 

 

I believe that everyone in the world has their own story that remains deeply in their memories. Whether it is good and bad, it has given us some life experience and influenced us the way we view about our lives. However, since 2011 up to now, my dreams have been shattered for many times. The strong belief I used to hold that" if I try my best to do something, I will succeed and achieve it. Nothing is impossible." Through many things have happened,  my belief starts to change and I can not figure out how the things go this way. I wanna shout to the world but I can not. Suddenly, on 21st April 2015, one of my friends gives me an idea of writing a story or express my opinion to the world in a blog. This idea really impresses me because I would like to tell the people who want to know about my story that I have come acrossed, the excited moment, the sadness, happiest and depression and how my perception about my life has changed until today. 

Let me tell you all about a story title" memories and dream".

Looking through the window of a mini bus, there sit two Cambodian ladies with a group of foreigners. A woman whose small eyes keep staring at the view along the way to kompot province has a long black hair that has already been cut short and dyed red. Her face is filled with mysteries and sorrow that no one can discover. Her eyes are filled with water that she tries hard to swallow it. With a fairly white skin, no doubt she is half blood Chinese. A simple name for unnoticeable woman is " Karmen". This moment of time, Karmen keeps telling herself that there will be a miracle for her life even though she has no belief in this before. ( to be continued)